這位同學錄取 CMU Master of Science in Health Care Analytics and Information Technology ，而且還拿到學費減免 (30%)。
這一篇SOP是我去年 (2020年) 修改的文件之中，運用 STAR method 運用得最得宜的一篇文章之一。
有幾間學校的評審有提供回饋說這位同學的 statement 寫得很好。
以下正文開始，共有兩篇，一篇是 statement of purpose，一篇是簡短的 essay。有部份內容同學要求要打馬賽克，我用方框框出來。
如何提供例子，我標粉紅色 (例一)，及綠色 (例二)。
Statement of Purpose
I am applying to this master program since I would like to pursue a career in [area name]. My previous work experience in driving the digitization of operational processes made me realize how information technology can help improve [industry name]. The reason why I decided to pursue a career in [industry name] stems from my personal experience. [personal reason]
I initiated the digitization of operational processes after finding that the existing data of [company name] could not answer even the most basic but critical business questions when I was conducting a win-loss analysis. When I first joined [company name] as a strategic planning specialist, I was assigned to find out what caused the decline in revenue in the previous month. I quickly found that there were limited operational data because there were problems in how data was stored. For example, records of in-progress business opportunities were only stored in individual salespeople’s respective computer, and not in a company-wide system. Sales managers could not ascertain whether their team could hit the sales goal that month nor could they know whether the remaining production capacity of partnering factories was sufficient to handle incoming orders. To ensure the quality and predictability of core business operations, I initiated the digitization of the company’s operations.
Heading this project equipped me with the ability to see the big-picture, lead cross-functional teams, and prioritize tasks. I found that there was no effective inbound sales lead follow-up procedure. Information about a new lead would be passed from the marketing team to the sales management team and eventually to an individual sales representative. There was a data gap between marketing and sales, which meant the purchase conversion rate of inbound clients could not be calculated. This was because sales representatives would not create a client profile in the CRM for an inbound client unless that client placed an order. We could not know how many business opportunities were brought by these inbound clients, how many of them were terminated, and how many of them were converted to orders. I worked with the marketing, sales, and IT teams to develop a digital marketing tracking app to digitize the workflow of the follow-up procedure. I was responsible for drawing out the roadmap, monitoring the development process, testing the features before releasing, training users after the app was implemented, and designing subsequent iterations based on feedback. This app decreased the time the sales team spent on the follow-up procedure by 90% and made the ROI of each marketing campaign visible.
In the past three years, I have helped my company reduce [amount] in operating costs by digitizing and integrating the fragmented operational processes. I also have created profitable new business models, contributing to generating over [amount] in revenue for the company. My goal is to become a product manager of [type of products]. The program is appealing to me since it is interdisciplinary. I can develop a better understanding of how technology and other fields—such as social systems, policies, and security—are interrelated. I am interested in taking Behind the Data: Humans and Values, and Cybersecurity in Context. Furthermore, the courses have a small class size and are project-based. They are also often led by industry experts. These are all features that attract me to the program since I will be able to gain hands-on experience and receive feedback directly from working professionals. In three project-based courses, Product Design Studio, Agile Engineering Practices, and Storytelling for Your UX Portfolio, I can sharpen my skills in product design and development. Finally, the program also offers courses in business, strategy, and management, which can help me develop strategic thinking. Information Technology Economics, Strategy, and Policy, Management in Information-intensive Companies, Entrepreneurship: New Venture Discovery, and Lean/Agile Product Management are appealing to me. The resources this program provides will equip me with the knowledge and skills to succeed in the digital health industry.
When I was working as a strategic development manager at [company name], I was assigned to investigate what caused the decline in the number of orders of new products in [market name] in the first half-year of [year]. In this experience, I demonstrated my ability to look beyond numbers but understand what could be hidden factors behind these numbers.
The number of new business opportunities had been declining for six months. I assumed that the decline was due to a lack of sales activities. But this hypothesis was disproved when I found that the number of sales activities actually increased.
I looked into the dataset on business opportunities. Approximately 90% of business opportunities that had been converted to sales orders were in the same product category and that the number of open business opportunities in that product category did not decrease. This implied the other product categories were not competitive in [market name]. I talked to salespeople and clients and realized the reason our products were not competitive was due to price. When manufacturers like my company charge too much for products, it would compress clients’ margins, and they would not be able to set high retail prices for those products given that the market could be saturated.
I suggested to management that the pricing structures for these product categories should be adjusted. This change contributed to the company receiving more than 60 new orders in product categories that used to have a low purchase conversion rate, generating more than [amount] USD in revenue in the second half of that year.
Dr Fiona Hu